Heroes and Villains is back for another week to salute David de Gea's hands of titanium and bemoan a rough week for the firework-sniffing dogs in the U.K.
HEROES
Do you remember when everyone thought David de Gea was rubbish because he looked uncomfortable with the idea of the Premier League's centre-forwards jumping on his head on set pieces? It seems so long ago now. Three years after his introduction to the joys of English football, De Gea is bigger, stronger and smarter, and all the obvious signs of brilliance that should have convinced people of his potential are enhanced. The man has wrists of titanium and the reactions of a cat after three bowls of coffee. He is the reason why Manchester United won three points this weekend and not just one.
It was tighter than it should have been and was only West Bromwich Albion, butLiverpool's players deserve great credit for ending a four-game winless run. Last season's success was powered by a fearless and inventive brand of football with confident players expressing themselves. This season has been like a dispiriting sales conference; no one knows anyone's name, everything is going wrong, and the word is that it was much more fun last year. But here, in flashes, there were signs of the old Liverpool trying to get out. Adam Lallana'sdrag-back in the buildup to the first goal was a particular delight.
Jose Mourinho hasn't always been happy with Eden Hazard, or more specifically with Hazard's defensive contributions, but how can he stay mad at him with performances like this? Arsenal, for once, brought a sensible and cautious game plan, but no plan can contain Hazard when he's in that sort of mood. His slaloming run for the penalty was outrageous, like someone activating a cheat mode on a video game. Frankly, you can hardly blame Laurent Koscielny for hacking him to the ground for the breakthrough goal. It was the only viable option available.
It would be quicker to count the people who believed Sam Allardyce could change his spots than it would those who thought he'd be sacked by Christmas. The West Ham manager was told by his bosses in no uncertain terms to improve the quality of the football over the summer. That's exactly what he has done while improving the results too. Sure, the second half of their victory over QPR was a little dull, but West Ham are now, believe it or not, a tolerably entertaining, top-half outfit. There will be a reckoning for this, of course. You cannot fight the laws of nature, and the universe knows there's something very wrong here.
It is over four years since Connor Wickham scored England's winning goal in the final of the U17 European Championship. As one of the hottest talents in English football, greater things were expected of him than subdued performances for Sunderland and loan spells with Sheffield Wednesday and Leeds. A flash of potency last season certainly contributed to the Mackems' great escape, but there needs to be more of this. This weekend, against Stoke, there was more. When Wickham can ally his ability to his physicality, he looks like an outstanding player. Let's hope this is simply the start.
VILLAINS
Paddy McNair climbs the stairs to his bedroom with a tired smile on his face. Another game for the first team and another good performance. The manager had said nice things about him; his mum and dad were proud of him. Yeah, life is looking pretty good. He undresses for bed and tosses his clothes to the laundry pile. There's a heavy thump of flesh on the floorboards and a long, protracted groan from somewhere deep within his trousers. "Romelu Lukaku!" gasps Paddy. "What on earth are you still doing in my pocket!?"
These are worrying times for Everton. Losing at Old Trafford has been no disaster for the better part of 30 years, but with a youth teamer and a left-back in the centre of Manchester United's defence, they should have been there for the taking. But all the zip has gone out of Everton's attack these days. Romelu Lukaku looks subdued, they miss the energy of Kevin Mirallas and James McCarthy, and they have kept only a single clean sheet in 10 games. Roberto Martinez has a run of easier-looking games now, with Aston Villa, Burnley and Swansea next on the agenda. It's about time he won some of them.
Gary Cahill and Danny Welbeck are incredibly fortunate that referee Martin Atkinson woke up on the right side of his bed on Sunday morning. A less forgiving official, like Mike "I'd Book a Kitten for Being Too Cute" Dean, would have sent the pair off and rightly so. Cahill's only saving grace is that he had the decency to immediately apologise for almost snapping Alexis Sanchez's leg like a lollipop stick. Welbeck's wild, two-footed attempt to maim Cesc Fabregas was just as nasty but came without the post-impact politeness.
Never mind those commentators who say, "Nobody wants to see this sort of thing." When two managers clash on the touchline, the truth is that everyonewants to see that sort of thing. The sight of a 6-foot-4 Arsene Wenger bearing down on Jose Mourinho and shoving him hard in the chest was easily the most entertaining moment from Sunday, but don't expect the Premier League to see the funny side. As the clear aggressor in the incident, Wenger should probably brace himself for a disrepute charge. The ideal response, of course, would be to allow the two men to have a "straightener" round by the bins after the game, but sadly there's no legal precedent for this.